The Hard Choices

There are hard choices in life. Making them defines being a "grown-up". I think of Michael Jackson and think, "well sure, I'd like to spend my days getting inspiration for MY art by sitting in the tree."But, apparently, no one told him that this isn't what 40 year olds do and if they did, I guess they aren't around him any more. He's just a spoiled kid in an adult body. (I'm just not going to comment on the sexual stuff)
Understanding that you can't get whatever you want when you want it isn't a new lesson for me, but I guess now I understand why I heard No so often as a kid. We, frankly, couldn't afford it. I still can't afford a lot and I always keep in mind the financial part of things before I say, "I want". I do, however, have a dream list. Things I would have if...
So, I've been working as a substitute teacher. I love the job for a few reasons:
1. It's constantly changing. I sub k-12, so I can be teaching 8th grade science one day and 4th grade the next. I never know what I'll be teaching and that keeps me on my toes.
2. I do not have any lesson plans, grading papers, school meetings, parent meetings or expectations of achievement levels to deal with.
3. I get to know the kids, but not too closely. I don't have my heart broken when a student moves or when their parents divorce. Sometimes, I'm a familiar face to them if they've moved from one system I sub at to another.
4. I am able to speak casually to my childrens' teachers instead of scheduling a formal meeting. Often, it's all that's needed.

But...
While I enjoy the job, it's part of further fracturing my personal life. I have a home and family. I am a mom and wife and home maker. (three seperate roles there) I am an artist. I am part of a community, so I volunteer for church and 4-H. And I'm a sub. (6 roles?)
The hard choices are that my art is getting set aside more and more often because the other roles are taking more time.
I have a quilt on my design wall right now that I wanted to enter in a contest that I'll probably never meet the deadline at this point. I'm recovering from 1st communion today, and I work the rest of the week as well as taking a class, getting my kids to PSR and going on a field trip. Maybe I'll get to it on Friday, but I've got my doubts.
The hard choices are that my art isn't financially rewarding at this point, so I need to spend my time doing something that is. I need a job that works with the school day schedule, because of my family, and this seems the best option at the moment. The hard choice is the thing that makes me "me" is set aside for my other roles. They are all roles I enjoy and get a lot from, but they don't fill my soul the way creating art does.
Making the sacrifice, not doing what I want to do, is a hard choice, but it's what grown-ups do.